Bethenny Getting Scary? Take 4

Seriously, considering all of the stressing-out and freaking-out this week, girlfriend should have gone to therapy like first thing right away this episode.

Ok, let’s talk about a few elephants in the room first.

1. She brought it all upon herself.

In the space of a year, she’s met a guy, fallen in love, gotten pregnant, gotten engaged, moved in with her boyfriend, gotten married and had a baby. Umm… most people do this string of events like over a 5 year period. Stressed out over cake? I know, why not do one thing at a time instead of 10 at a time!

2. To quote Lady Diana; “There we’re three people in this marriage.” – Bethenny, Jason and Bravo.

How much of this is really their life, and how much of it is a plot for a TV show. Really B, a 25 guest wedding? Are you trying to get cancelled? Because a quiet 25 person wedding will do it.

3. The Jill feud just keeps creeping into my brain.

When B was discussing her money/men/mom issues in therapy, was I really the only one finding clues to her ill-conceived friendship with Zarin?

4. Girlfriend is in serious denial, and needs to buy some books already.

As frustrating as her refusal to prepare properly for her first baby is, it is her first. I find it incredible that someone who’s been married before seems so clueless about the process.

Now, on to the show!

The show once again travels to its home away from home: New Jersey. Luckily, the showing at the bottle signing is much improved over the Costco fiasco. After some more intern hazing, Max finally gets a few goods ones in.

Bethenny is to cake as Homer Simpson is to donuts. Seriously, the Jersey bakery couldn’t give Shawn a few samples to bring back to B and shut her up?

The most revealing thing B said during one of her various freak-outs was something about it all having to be perfect because that’s what people expect from her. Honey, that whole attitude is just a recipe for failure. Let it go.

I loved that they showed the altercation, and then B’s recap of it to Shawn, because I can say in all honesty that what she heard Jason say, and what I heard Jason say, were not the same thing..like AT ALL.

J shows once again that he’s the practical one, and they head off to get the marriage license. No one’s gonna notice the tablecloths if you can’t even get married. I can’t believe that a self-confessed control freak would make the PR blunder of littering gyro wrappers outside City Hall on camera, nor do I believe that it was her first “street meat” as it’s a NYC staple.

Time for another breakdown: this one at the officiant’s office. Was her mom at her first wedding? It just seems all so much. Jason’s right though, and as her shower and rehearsal dinner prove, she is surrounded by good friends and loving in-laws, so fuck Bobby and Bonnie.

24 hours to go till the big “I do.” Well, for us a week.

So, will BGM? be a train ride, or a train wreck? Me thinks the answer lies within 5 basic questions. Let’s see how the third hour of the journey went.

1. Will she end up Kate Gosselin? Bethenny apparently is my mom. Control freak who’s way is the “right” way, complaining non stop about how no one helps her, but nothing anyone else ever does is right so she has no choice but to do it herself. Been there Jason, I feel for ya.
2. Will she end up Edith Bunker? If anything, he indulges her.
3. Will she end up Rachel Zoe? It was great to see some funny moments from Max, and sweet ones from Julie, but this episode was all about B.
4. Will she end up Omarosa? Like Dr. Feelgood, I too am interested in just what makes B so driven.This isn’t over yet.
5. Will she end up Rhoda? She IS Rhoda. I wouldn’t be surprised to see her take the subway to her own wedding next week.

Meet me back here next week and, like our own private Seder, we’ll ask the 5 questions again.

• Bethenny Getting Scary?
• Bethenny Getting Scary? Take 2
• Bethenny Getting Scary? Take 3

More RHoNY posts for your enjoyment:

• The Real Desperate Housewives of New York City
• Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from ‘The Real Housewives of New York City’

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