Bethenny Getting Scary? Take 2

Thank God The Real Housewives of New York will soon be over! Every Thursday night I go to bed vowing to wake up early the next day and get straight to recapping Bethenny Getting Married?, only to find myself instead lost in a spiral of RHoNY recap reading. Someone please make it stop so that I can have my life back!

I’m not sure if it’s by way of comparison to RHoNY, but I thoroughly enjoyed BGM?’s second episode, often LOLing at its light hearted humor. I know the weight of going it solo is often a concern in spin-offs, but seeing B chillax without her combative girlfriends really begs the question: ‘With friends like the housewives, who needs enemies?’

And the contrast between the two shows starts out with a bang, as B is hosting her in-laws sans Jason. The possibility for conflict is ripe, as anyone with in-laws of their own knows all too well. But it’s not to be. No one complains about the bed they slept in, or the dog’s barking keeping them up, or not being able to eat peppers because it gives them acid reflux, etc… Instead, they are lovely and nice and open and honest. Who are these perfect people and how can I become part of the Hoppy clan?

B then invites her future M.I.L. to go wedding dress shopping with her, and the two bond during an errand that (again) is ripe with potential conflict. B and Carol appear to have the exact same tastes… they hate the same dresses, they love the same dresses, and they genuinely seem to bond during the task. Believe me, when Ally Zarin’s wedding dress shopping trip is filmed for TV– and you know it WILL be filmed for TV — this is not how it will go down. Trust me.

One can’t help but like B’s new Mom-in-law but also wonder how B’s real Mom feels seeing this. During another session with Dr Feel Good, B admits that her Mom is alive and kicking. Only to B, she’s dead. I now have conflicting feelings about Bonnie Frankel, whom I imagine is similar to the Mom character Shelly Long plays on Modern Family. I want to see this crazy bitch on screen, only somehow without B having to have to be subjected to it. Actually, what I really want is for Kathy Griffin to meet Bonnie, and then hilariously retell the meeting in one of her stand up acts.

B then meets with her wedding planner, who’s a cute gay with those ‘deer in the headlights’ eyes that are so good for reality TV. Bravo is desperately trying to spin it as a bridezilla moment, but please. She’s a former event planner with coherent and clear ideas of what she wants, and she has an insane schedule to meet. We’ve all basically grown up watching B on TV, and we all know that the one thing the divine Miss F doesn’t do is suffer fools gladly. The plans move forward and any snafus seem to exist only in the minds of the Bravo marketing department.

So, the Bridezilla show angle defeated, Bravo then tries to spin a Kell on Earth angle as B tries to school her clueless over-jelled assistant. Only Max really is in the wrong, and B doesn’t even rip him a new one, so again the Bravo marketing department is foiled in their efforts to capitalize on winning TV show formulas.

Then they haul in a dog whisperer to try and frame up poor Cookie as Cookie-a-doodle-do. Apparently, she doesn’t like an endless stream of strangers coming and going, treading all over her turf. Right. So basically we’re all crazy then? Thanks Bravo.

Jason returns and our fast-talking multi-tasking chef/author/TV star is starting to feel the heat. They discuss the wedding plans and then go shopping for registry items and for the upmteenth time in row, Bravo salivates at the potential for conflict only to be bitterly disappointed.

“Murray, I thought you said this broad knew what she was doing?”
“Yeah, she’s a professional. What’s the problem?”
“We’ve been following her around for hours and she hasn’t started one fight. Not one! I thought she’d at least flip a frickin table or something by now. Nothing!”
“Shit. Let me call up the crazy bitch mother and see if we can get her to ruin the wedding or something before Bravo cancels our ass.”

So, will BGM? be a train ride, or a train wreck? Me thinks the answer lies within 5 basic questions. Let’s see how the second hour of the journey went.

1. Will she end up Kate Gosselin? Jason, Max, the wedding planner, the Bloomingdales salesman, the demanding publisher, the skin care salesman with leprosy… They kept throwing clueless men in front of the over worked pregnant woman one right after another and she never blew.
2. Will she end up Edith Bunker? Jason tried to ‘gaslight’ her with the “fictitious dinner party guests” but she didn’t bite. The dopiest moment came when the overworked dynamo decided to take a load off and revealed that she’d been schlepping her heavily pregnant bod around on seven inch cha-cha heels.
3. Will she end up Rachel Zoe? B has no problem blurting out her inner workings, warts and all. We’re talking about a woman who peed on a stick in front of a camera crew. Believe me, they didn’t organize a special women only crew for that either.
4. Will she end up Omarosa? She seems to be serious about using this 15 minutes of fame to build a future she can live off of, not just bask in the glow while it lasts. We know that Jill has told us the world is already crowded with too many skin care lines, so expect Zarin to unveil her own soon. Wasn’t the world already crowded with gluten free muffins and drink mixes before B rode those vehicles to success?
5. Will she end up Rhoda? She laid off her hubby, despite being overwhelmed with tasks and him being mostly MIA. She seemed to genuinely like her in-laws. She at least tolerates his friends, which is more than what most wives do IMO. So far, so good.

Meet me back here next week and, like our own private Seder, we’ll ask the 5 questions again.

Past Bethenny Getting Scary? posts for your enjoyment:

• Bethenny Getting Scary?

More RHoNY posts for your enjoyment:

• The Real Desperate Housewives of New York City
• Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from ‘The Real Housewives of New York City’

Tweet This Post